Theories

This week we talked a lot about theories and how the family maintains homeostasis (an interesting concept in relation to families I thought...) and what different kinds of relationships families have.
I mostly want to focus on the theories because I think that can be really helpful in each of our families! If we know how the family works or responds to things, we can know how to better deal with the challenges in our own families.

The theories were interesting to me. Even though they say different things and explain situations differently, I can see how they have all played a role in my life in my relationships with people.
THEORIES:
*Systems Theory- The "whole" is greater than the sum of its parts. The book used the example of a cake with the individual family members representing the flour, salt, baking soda etc. Without one of the ingredients, the cake wouldn't be as good. Therefore everyone in a family contributes and is needed for the family to function properly.
--> I've seen the evidence of that theory in my life with my family. When Mom gets sick and isn't able to do all she normally does, it affects the whole family. The same goes for my Dad. When he is gone or sick or whatever the case may be, the family isn't the same. Now that's pretty obvious though right? I am pretty confident that most if not all can remember how they felt when someone who played a major role in their life, was out of the picture for awhile. But the same rule applies to other members of the family, siblings who have grown up and left home and live far away. That's not uncommon and doesn't necessarily mean they're not functioning in the family, but when you know that things are not going well for them and you know they're not doing very well, it affects the whole family! You worry about them or you're angry with them or you're scared for them. All of those feelings effect how you respond to other things. Therefore, no single individual can do something without affecting another.

*Exchange Theory- You keep doing things that give you results even if it costs you something. But you will typically only do whatever that is, if the benefits are greater than the costs.
--> Think back to a time when you tried to do something nice for someone and they either didn't notice or were ungrateful about it. How did that make you feel? Well I know how I feel at times like that and it certainly doesn't make me want to do that thing again because it wasn't worth it! Now that can sound kind of selfish but its the truth! And that's not the only example of exchange theory in action. What about paying to have your car cleaned but when you get it back it still looks filthy! $10 says you won't be taking your car to get washed there again! And then there is a more positive example of exchange theory in action. How do you feel when someone does something nice for you?? It feels pretty good right? And you kind of want to do something nice back right? Well there ya go! Exchange theory!

*Conflict Theory- This theory states that conflict is inherent in human relationships. It can come from gender differences, different classes, and personality differences just to name a few. This theory bothered me at first because it seemed to say that everyone was just always angry and fighting. That's not the case though. Conflict theory just points out that there are always opposing forces and sometimes one side wins and sometimes the other side wins. I think we can all think of plenty of situations where we have experienced both sides of that. We don't always get our way, you have to give and take and it doesn't mean that you're fighting over things.

*Symbolic Interaction Theory- This theory has a lot to do with perception. When someone does something that offends you it's easy to jump to conclusions about why they did it, when in reality, many times you are way off the mark. One of the readings that we did shared an example of a couple where the husband had been married before but his wife had cheated on him. Well he and his new wife were at a party and she was talking to another man and the husband got upset with her later that night. The reading shared two different endings to the story, the first being that the husband accuses the wife of being too friendly and she gets all defensive and the whole thing escalates because they just assume the worst of each other. Then the other scenario the husband kind of calls the wife out about talking to the other man, she explains that she was asking about a vacation that the man had gone on, one that she and the husband had wanted to go on. He then expresses how he would appreciate if she talked to him about things first and she says that maybe he should come over and visit with them next time, that she'd like to have him with her. So really it's all about how we perceive things.

So as I have learned about these theories I would hope that I am more understanding of how my family and other people's families work and maybe have a better understanding of why they do what they do. I hope that learning this will help me have stronger relationships in all areas.