FINAL Blog post for Family Relations:(:(:(

 I honestly don't remember a time that I have been SO sad to be done with a class, but this last week I felt like crying at the thought of that being our LAST normal class!!! I know that sounds incredibly dramatic and very unnecessary but because I have learned SO much about so many different topics (ALL of which have or will have significant relevance to my life) and because of the love, care and concern with which those topics were taught it really hit home to me it was all very REAL to me! Although I have learned so many things I realize all the more, how much I STILL DON’T KNOW! And that kind of scares me! It has motivated me to want to keep learning about how the family functions and how to respond positively to conflict and how to express feelings and communicate more effectively. I want to learn how to recognize unmet needs and know how to go about meeting those needs so that the recipient will know that they are loved and cared for and that they are IMPORTANT!

1. Having a more clear understanding of research and how to find the facts

2. How to “fall in love”/ Healthy dating habits and things to avoid

3. Differences in men and women and how those differences complement each other.

4. Same gender attraction

5. How family systems work and how important healthy relationships/clear boundaries are

6. Intimacy in marriage

7. CONSENSUS vs Compromise/ communication

8. Disciplining children

9. Stay-at-home Moms vs Working Moms-> Saving or losing money??

10. Learning about different experiences and to have compassion for others and not judge them.

11. Gaining knowledge on controversial topics and feeling better prepared and more capable of standing up for the truth and being able to defend it with facts and not just my beliefs and opinions.

Some of these things I knew I wanted to know more about, but a LOT of them, I had never even thought about or had given very little consideration to, so I was shocked at a lot of the things that I learned and am SO grateful to know now! Because I have learned all those things, I recognize other people doing the same kinds of things I probably would have done, had I not learned that it is better to do things a little differently! I will keep myself informed on these subjects and do my best to share my knowledge with others! THANK YOU Brother Williams for all of your time and effort that has been put into teaching us this semester! It is plain to see that you LOVE helping people and helping people find peace in their lives! Thank you for that example!

Separation/Divorce & Remarriage/Blended Families

Separation/Divorce & Remarriage/Blended Families

This week’s topics were really heartbreaking for me. As we discussed the negative effects of divorce and the potential problems that can and typically do arise when divorced parents remarry, I hurt for those people who have experienced these heartaches! I have a few members in my family who have suffered from the effects of divorce and have had to make lots of adjustments to their lives because of it. Although it has definitely been a challenge to all those involved, I feel that our situations are at the mild end of the spectrum in comparison with the experiences that were shared in class and the family that we studied. Learning about the family system and how essential healthy family boundaries are has been really influential in my life by how I see the world and how I approach and seek to resolve problems. I feel that it is a great tool that if utilized, can help you detect the red flags in a relationship that you or a loved one is in, and to stop things before they go too far. Knowing how family systems work can and acting on that knowledge can save marriages and families in so many ways! But from what we see in the world today, divorce and blended families are becoming the norm not the exception. Therefore it is necessary to address ways to cope with the challenges of blending families. Some of the tips for blended families to be aware of were:

1)      It takes a minimum of 2 years to gain normalcy. (That doesn’t mean everything will be “just the way it was before” or that things will be perfect! I just means that the members involved will be more able to predict behavior and know how to respond appropriately.)

2)      The birth parent should be the one to give heavy discipline to the children

3)      The step parent should be more like a good/great aunt or uncle to the children (So they should be supportive of birth parent but listen and sympathize with the child).

4)      New remarried couples should conference with each other DAILY behind closed doors. (They need to discuss how things are going, what changes need to happen and I think there should be emphasis on the “CLOSED DOORS”. The discussions need to be between the new spouses, not in front of the children and not including any other family members so that the spouses can learn to rely on one another and make things work.)

(from the book, “Helping the Remarried Family”)

I felt that those tips were very interesting and insightful! I can definitely see how following those steps consistently could really make a difference for the better! I am grateful for this knowledge! I hope to never have to experience divorce, but I hope that I can use this knowledge to be a source of support and comfort to those that have experienced divorce and blending families. 

Fathers: Do we really need them?

This week we talked about Fathers and finance. As we discussed the role of the father in the home and the great importance of his presence. A father figure in the home and family is irreplaceable. Children who grow up without such a figure to look up to and follow their example have significant disadvantages in their lives,  financially amd emotionally. In our discussions about the father in the home we talked about how his influence far surpasses the fact that he provides for the family. As we examined these topics, I found myself pondering my experiences with my own father and I was filled with gratitude and love for my sweet Daddy! He is a good man and he fulfilled his role so well! He was so good to our Mom! He was a hard worker at work as well as at home. He taught us by example and instruction, how to do the same in our own lives. He was firm in his discipline but yet he was merciful when the situation called for it as well.
He and my mom almost never faught! He was always respectful to her and there was absolutely no tolerance for us kids treating her with disrespect.
If I had grown up without my fathers influence and love,  I would be a very different person and far worse off I'm afraid! From the studies we've discussed in class and from my own experiences I know that good loving Fathers are essential to the family for full productivity and happiness.